How did I get here?

With this post, I finally enter the online world of infertility bloggers.  I've spent the last 4 years or so lurking on your blogs, too timid to share my thoughts, but to conflicted to turn away.  Now that it is certain that my baby making days have come to a close, I am compelled to offer up my voice.  I have closure on my infertility and pregnancy loss, but I still have plenty to say about it.

So how did I get here?  My husband and I have spent the last 10 years dealing with the wide spread effects of infertility and pregnancy loss.  Since 2001, we have been subject to nearly every diagnostic infertility test our team of RE's had to offer.  Our official diagnosis was male factor and tubal infertility.  I have undergone 3 HSG's, 2 laparoscopies (one which removed my left fallopian tube and due to a hydrosalpinx), 2 hysteroscopies, and a D & C that almost resulted in an emergency hysterectomy because of excessive bleeding.  We've also tried numerous medicated and unmedicated IUI's, with the next step being IVF, that, thankfully, was not needed.

We've celebrated 4 joyous pregnancies, two that were complicated by a defective C-section scar, one  which, sadly, resulted in a possible cervical ectopic pregnancy and a very bloody, traumatic miscarriage  Add three C-sections (one of them performed in an emergency situation due a decrease in fetal heart rate and one performed almost a month early because of a high risk of uterine rupture) to the mix, and I feel it is safe to say that nothing about my reproductive history has been normal.

Three beautiful, healthy babies later, DH and I are certain that we are finished.  I feel old and broken, but I also feel triumphant.  We have fought the good fight, finished the marathon, and we are ready to settle back into some semblance of normalcy with our family.  But as many of you who have walked in my shoes know, it's just not that easy.  We are forever changed.  With that said, this will not be your typical mommy blog.  I'm ready to share my stories not only as a form of therapy, but also to use some of my experiences to help and encourage you, in the same way that you encouraged me when I was suffering through the nightmare that is infertility and pregnancy loss.  Please stop by, and leave a comment.  I look forward to getting to know you better.